I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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