Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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