I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
