My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I wish i was in the wii world.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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