That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize
