were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
