strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
