I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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