So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
