apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
