That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
