I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
