I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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