Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize