apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead