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Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
where are you?
Hypothermia
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
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