I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
