You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups