Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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