i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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