Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
