Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
