Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
