eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
