i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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