I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
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