please come you make the beer taste better
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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