I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize