why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
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I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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