How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
