Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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