It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
