I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
