Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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