You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
