You made me cry and you don't even care
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
