Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
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i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
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Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize