When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Every concussion has its silver lining
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
