i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
