I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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