so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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