i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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