So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
