oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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