for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize
