Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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