Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
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My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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