I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
