If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My life is pants optional.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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