I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
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By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
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Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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