I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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