I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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