sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize