Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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