Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
