If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
