Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
