so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
