party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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