Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
