I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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