I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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