I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
