The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
