I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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