when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
