i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
