her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
What drink are we having for lunch?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
