I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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