I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
