I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
