I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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