im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
we're chasing vodka with high fives
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
