Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Boobs are out for the taking
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
