Texts From Last Night

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  (650): View more from California

  Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?

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  (650): Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls? http://tfl.nu/pg74
  Replies (9) Good night (869) Bad night (1514)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself

  (1-609): View more from New Jersey

  Is this the I'm gay speech?

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  (609): Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself (1-609): Is this the I'm gay speech? http://tfl.nu/ywd1
  Replies (2) Good night (2092) Bad night (709)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar

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  (917): you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar http://tfl.nu/kodl
  Replies (29) Good night (7144) Bad night (811)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged

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  (765): You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged http://tfl.nu/je5z
  Replies (8) Good night (1079) Bad night (3584)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".

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  (843): she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights". http://tfl.nu/6efw
  Replies (10) Good night (6353) Bad night (948)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?

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  (407): Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ? http://tfl.nu/brtl
  Replies (10) Good night (4088) Bad night (1288)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure

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  (214): Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure http://tfl.nu/kj79
  Replies (7) Good night (3452) Bad night (1088)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  ... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.

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  (816): ... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night. (314): I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it. http://tfl.nu/jfox
  Replies (7) Good night (4288) Bad night (949)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times

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  (775): My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times http://tfl.nu/d78u
  Replies (15) Good night (4210) Bad night (1029)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.

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  (405): We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation. http://tfl.nu/qmhd
  Replies (10) Good night (2385) Bad night (947)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Her idea of kinky involved a tazer

  (850): View more from Florida

  wtf?

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I'm going back tonight

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  (270): Her idea of kinky involved a tazer (850): wtf? (270): I'm going back tonight http://tfl.nu/a9kb
  Replies (15) Good night (2813) Bad night (796)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.

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  (256): Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter. http://tfl.nu/bkut
  Replies (13) Good night (777) Bad night (519)
• Favorite

  (387): View more from

  The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?

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  (387): The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them? http://tfl.nu/qjyv
  Replies (11) Good night (1480) Bad night (426)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"

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  (614): don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can" http://tfl.nu/nm9b
  Replies (5) Good night (767) Bad night (364)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.

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  (423): I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor. http://tfl.nu/3542
  Replies (2) Good night (556) Bad night (340)

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