so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
