you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."