I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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