true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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