Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
