she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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