i may or may not be watching the land before time
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
