theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
