oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
