I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
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